My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
