that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
