is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
