i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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