what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
