Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
a search helicopter?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
