your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
