you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
