I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
