**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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