there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
