Just fell off a train. Bad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
