were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
