Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
