I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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