Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
