Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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