so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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