Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
