I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
