I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
