Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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