Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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