Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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