Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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