you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
