The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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