when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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