It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
