I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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