You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ugly people sure do ruin things
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
