sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
