Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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