i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How does it feel to date your dad?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
