I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
