i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
