The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
