3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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