Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
