i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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