Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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