don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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