she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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