Can Purell be used as lube?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
