apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
