At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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