You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
