clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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