Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
