I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
