when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
