i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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