He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
