I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
