My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
