I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize