now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
