I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
