Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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