i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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