I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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