I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And then he peed in my hair
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