My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
