The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
only you would photoshop your dick
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
