so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
