some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
