he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
