You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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