I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
