Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
